How to stop beating yourself up: Some simple ways


Evaluating our thoughts and actions is good. Some introspection is always desirable. When we analyze ourselves, some of our behaviors appear good and some appear bad. Becoming aware of our flaws and strengths help us grow. But instead, when we end up finding only our weaknesses and begin mentally beating ourselves up ruthlessly, living becomes horrible.

Self criticism withers our ‘beautiful self’!

So, do you beat yourself up excessively?

Wait up.. Let us examine who is beating up whom here? Are ‘you’ beating ‘yourself’? Who is ‘you’ and who is ‘yourself’?

Yeah, this is the weird part of excessive self criticism. When we are judging our ‘self’, we are split into two! We are not integrated. We create two entities within us and allow the drama to commence. Drama, in which one Mr. /Ms Perfect engages in passing harsh judgment over the other. We assume the role of the ‘other’, the victim who does no good and who is of no use!

This Mr. /Ms perfect belittles, abuses, hurts and puts us completely down, thus making US totally sick. Whatever we did and didn’t do is scrutinized, condemned and all perceived mistakes are magnified.

Usually, we get into this 'beating oneself up mode' when we are feeling low and experience frequent mood changes. It may even be the other way round. We beat ourselves so much that eventually we end up feeling low and torn.

Let us look at the ways to undo this 'beating oneself up' habit:

Become more aware 

Firstly, it is important to be aware, that our mind is split and we are indulging in a drama.  'Awareness' itself is the 'light' in the journey of integration. When we are aware, we have created a third entity apart from the two involved in the drama.

 This third entity is the ‘observer’. An observer stands outside the dramatic event. Moment the observer is created, the show, the drama can no longer continue. When the observer is present, integration is happening.

Withdraw your participation

When we participate in the drama of beating up, we play the role of a victim, a sinner.

Make a conscious choice and withdraw from participating.

As you withdraw from participation, the drama loses its key character. Either, it has to stop or has to switch over to another bit of imagination! In either case, the drama of beating yourself shall stop!

Believe in your ability to fix problems

 If there is anything you need to do, ways are abundant and it can be fixed by you. One integrated you! This mental drama is surely not the way to fix any problem situation you are going through. Action has to be taken in the real world. Hence, stop acting!

Accept yourself!

When you have no self acceptance, everything about you appears bad. So, decide to accept yourself completely. Accept yourself fully with all your capabilities and drawbacks!

We are humans. We are built in a particular way and with will we can be altered to a specific way as well. Accept life... When there is an acceptance towards everything the life is offering, there is no drama, no criticism or beating up.

Affirm, “I accept and love myself completely…”

Let go of the idea of perfectionism

 We are the work of nature, so is our imperfection! Growth is about becoming better and not about becoming perfect!

Next time, when  Mr. Perfect boss takes over to punish and beat you up,  let go of him. Ideals are the obsessions of mind.  No matter what we do, we can never size up to the expectation of perfect master sitting in our head!

Affirm, “I give my best to everything I perform”

Let go of the victim you

With the boss, goes the victim! Let go of the victim you.

You are neither the perfect image you have created, nor the struggling victim! You are not the story you have unconsciously made up.  When you let go of all the participants you have unknowingly created, you will see what you actually are and what you are capable of.

Affirm, “I have all the strength to lead my life well”

If you are beating yourself up because of frequent mood swings, read here: Making peace with changing moods…

See Love and Be Love!

Look around and look for the things that interest you. Engage in tasks that invoke love. Give love. As you do things you love doing and share love, you yourself become love! As the feeling of love intensifies in the heart, the place for ruthless criticism shrinks! Love doesn’t allow anymore beating ups!

Insight: Love comes in many forms… Embrace…

Be Calm

It had been a part of our life from much earlier time than we can recognize. So, it takes time to overcome it as well. Now don’t split and beat yourself up for being unable to overcome the beating up habit! Stay calm…!


Photo  By Sowmya Prabhu Kalyankar

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